My Memoir - Through Walking the Dhamma Path

When Control Met Letting Go A reflection from India A trip to India made me realize something I had never fully seen before: I was a control freak in America. I planned everything. I calculated every move. Even my goodness was measured by outcomes. I practiced Buddhism diligently, yet I still negotiated with the future. Layla must attend an Ivy League school. I must meditate correctly. I must produce results. And yes— I did achieve many of the things I wanted. But it was in India that I finally saw the hidden cost of that control. The First Cracking It began in an Uber from Varanasi Airport to the Vipassana meditation center. Eight of us. Two tiny cars. Luggage stacked on the roof, jammed into every empty space. I sat squeezed in the middle between two beautiful meditator friends. My first question was automatic: “Where is the seatbelt?” My Vietnamese friend looked at me and laughed: “What seatbelt?” That was it. The moment I knew: I have entered another world. The car w...

Vipassana meditation is all about sensation. We react to the world through our six sense doors — the eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, and mind. What we see, hear, smell, taste, touch, or think is first interpreted by the mind. That interpretation then creates a sensation in the body. When the sensation feels unpleasant, we call it pain. When it feels pleasant, we call it pleasure. But the pain or pleasure is not truly coming from the outside world — It is born from our reaction to what we experience. This is why the practice is not about changing what happens, But about observing the sensation without reacting. When we simply watch the sensation — without craving the pleasant, without resisting the unpleasant — We train the mind to stop reaching. And when we no longer reach for pleasure or push away pain, The mind begins to rest in equanimity. This is the art of letting go. This is the freedom Vipassana offers. Note: This is why the monk walking (tudong) barefoot - to feel more sensation.